SPRINGFIELD, OH — A Chinese food buffet was forced to close Monday after Haitian immigrants completely decimated the local Chinese food supply.
"This business has been in my family for many years," said Duke Wong, owner of Happy China Yum Yum in Springfield, Ohio. "With 20,000 Haitian migrants roaming the town, all our delicious local ingredients have disappeared."
According to sources, Happy China Yum Yum was the preferred source of delicious Chinese dishes such as orange "chicken," and Mongolian "beef" in the area. Over the last several years, however, their business model has become unsustainable.
"I took my cooler down to the park the other day, and there weren't even any geese," Wong lamented. "Um, I mean, chicken. I couldn't find any chicken at the park."
Wong, who escaped from China forty years ago, became an American citizen legally with the dream of serving "chicken," "beef," and "fish" to as many customers as possible. Sadly, his dream is dying.
"I wish Trump would build the wall," he said.
At publishing time, Duke Wong had escaped to open a new restaurant in the greener pastures of Upper Sandusky, Ohio.
